


another chatfic yay

by gayestaqua



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Tags May Change, and again i begin a new chatfic only to abandon it after a few chapters, and hisoka is normal, chatfic, chatfics r my comfort fics ok pls idc how overdone they are, chrollo makes an appearance from time to time bc i am horny for him, i try to b funny, illumi is a good brother in this because i said so, pls laugh, well as normal as he can be, will be hisoillu centric because i am a whore for them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:54:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27359107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayestaqua/pseuds/gayestaqua
Summary: hxh chatfic. chaos. thats it thats the summary.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 36
Kudos: 114





	1. illumi’s bad flirting attempts

**Author's Note:**

> i dont even know

**gon** : GUYS  
GUYS  
GUYS

**coochie man** : stfu boy its 2am

**gon** : exactly!!! i cant sleep  
and apparently you cant too

**pika** : sleep.

**kil** : no

**pika** : same

**pennywise** : dont u kids ever shut up

**kil** : no  
is my brother with u

**pennywise** : yes<33

**Illu** : What do you want, Kil?

**kil** : EW

**pennywise** : that is literally so mean  
be nice to your brother :>

 **kil** : i am nice to him  
i still haven’t killed him

**Illu** : True.

**pennywise** : i jjst farted

**pika** : and we needed to know that because??????

**pennywise** : BECAUSE u need to know what illumi said

**gon** : about a fart??

**pennywise** : yes ikr

**Illu** : You should learn how to take compliments instead of embarrassing me in a group chat full of eleven year olds.

**coochie man** : what did you say tO HIM EKWKEJE

**Illu** : Nothing! I only said that it wasn’t even that bad of a fart.

**coochie man** : WHO SAYS THAYHEJWJEJE

**kil** : bro WHAT WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

**pika** : fart kink????

**coochie man** : GET THAT MENTAL IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD

**Illu** : I was only pointing it out, I do not have a fart kink.

**kil** : what do u MEAN pointing it out

**Illu** : I mean.  
Have you ever smelled Milluki’s or Kalluto’s farts? Theirs are the worst.  
I was merely comparing.

**gon** : W H Y do you know so much about faRTS DJSKDJDJS

**Illu** : I don’t. But everybody farts, you begin to notice things.

**pika** : illumi i worry for your mental health 

**Illu** : Me too.

**kil** : was that ur way of flirting with him

**Illu** : Maybe.

**kil** : it was horrible

**pennywise** : its certainly an improvement from last time

**pika** : last time???

**Illu** : Don’t tell them, Hisoka.

**coochie man** : h8 how u text with perfect punctuation it scares me

**Illu** : Weak.

**pika** : l a s t tni m e????

**Illu** : Hisoka.

**pennywise** : sorry bb i have to  
so im sitting in the living room quietly as one does  
when mr illumi sir right here

**gon** : MR ILLUMI SIR SJWJDJEJW

**pennywise** : shhh  
anywyas he comes in and crushes a tomato right in front of me with his bare hands and says and i quote “this is what i feel like doing to everyone else”  
obviously i was like ????what  
& he gets another tomato from behind his back and holds it gently in his arms and said “this is you”

**gon** : JAKAKWWKKSJW WHA

**Illu** : Hisoka!

**pika** : i think its sweet

**pennywise** : it was hassle to clean up after but yeah it is!!!

**Illu** : No, it was stupid.

**pennywise** : it wasnt stupid illu dearest<3  
we can crush every tomato together me & u

 **Illu** : Okay.  
<3

**coochie man** : why is this kinda cute SJWKWNEJWJW

**kil** : cant believe im gonna say this but i agree

**pennywise** : ONCE  
ILLUMI SENT ME

**Illu** : Stop. It’s embarrassing.

**coochie man** : DONT STOP  
WHAT DID HE SEND

 **pennywise** : a piCTURE  
of a dead body

**pika** : a dead body???? what 

**gon** : where’d he get a pic of a dead body? :0  
do they have them on google

**kil** : ofc not u dumbass he probably killed it

**pika** : “it”  
the body was real and human u know</3

**kil** : we get it kurapika u have issues

**pika** : i will unleash my wrath on you if you don’t shut the fuck up

**coochie man** : i waNNA HEAR HISOKAS STORY

**Illu** : Oh, God.

**pennywise** : 2 be more specific  
the person he was supposed to kill worked as a clown or some shit  
which, in fact my dear illu, i am not one

**Illu** : That’s not what your username says.

**coochie man** : ITS EVEN FUNNIER WITH THE PUNCTUATION JEKWKWJEJW

**pennywise** : i-  
im so hurt</3  
anyways he captioned the picture “This could be you, but it’s not.”

**pika** : NSKANDNDJW BYE

**pennywise** : do you know how TERRIFYING it is  
to receive a pic of a DEAD BODY  
with the caption  
“this could be you”?????

**Illu** : Well, it will be you tonight.

**coochie man** : ILLUMISNWKWKDJEJ

**kil** : y’all i think illumis attempts at flirting r kinda sweet tho  
considering where he comes from and who his family is

**Illu** : They are your family, too, Killua.

**kil** : no ❤️

**gon** : NEKWMWNDJSJW

**pennywise** : okayokay im sorry illu  
i appreciate ur efforts dearly<3

 **Illu** : Good.  
It is a great risk I took when I sent you that picture. Now, you have proof that I killed somebody. You can use it against me. 

**pennywise** : :00 that is True  
i Could

**Illu** : Why are you capitalizing random words in your sentences?

**pika** : BDNWJSNSJWJ illumi’s obliviousness to everything is lowkey adorable

**Illu** : No. It is dumb. I should know things.

**pennywise** : it is not dumb!!!  
you know lots of things!!!

**Illu** : That is not true. My knowledge of social communication is very limited.

**pennywise** : who CARES about social norms  
you know how to draw, and you know how to dance, and you know how to hug, you know how to make eggs!!! 

**kil** : wait he knows to DRAW???

**pika** : and how to DANCE???

**pennywise** : you know how animals work!! and how to take care of them!! you know how to take care of me!!!

**gon** : AWWWSKJEJSJ

**pennywise** : you know how to make toast and how to make tea and coffee!!!  
you know how to read and you know how to buy gifts for the people you care about!!!!

**Illu** : I don’t care about people.

**pennywise** : lies~~~

**Illu** : No.

**pennywise** : you care about your family 

**Illu** : Yes, because they are my family.

**pennywise** : what about me then~~

**Illu** : you suck  
you are evil  
and you keep embarrassing me 

**coochie man** : he did not use punctuation:000

**kil** : AND he sent multiple texts in a row

**pika** : that proves he DOES care about hisoka

**Illu** : I did not say I didn’t.

**gon** : aw thats so cute

**Illu** : Do you all want to be dead tonight?

**kil** : yes

**gon** : no!!!

**kil** : fine  
no

**gon** : yay!!!

**pika** : ok u guys this has been ~fun~ but it’s legit  
2:37 in the morning  
we have to sleep

**Illu** : I don’t sleep.

**kil** : same

**coochie man** : well wE DO

**kil** : weak


	2. idk what to name chapters so have this ig

**coochie man** changed **pika's** name to **kurapikachu.**

**kurapikachu:** wtf  
dont call me that

 **coochie man:** kuuuu  
raaaaa  
piiiii  
kaaaa  
chuuuuu

 **gon:** KURAPIKACHUSJKDDK

 **kurapikachu:** i literally hate you all

 **coochie man:** lies lies lies

 **kurapikachu:** no

 **kil:** kurapikachu this group chat can contain Only One (1) edgy mf who hates everybody  
and that is my brother

 **Illu:** I am not an edgy motherfucker.

 **coochie man:** WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY

 **Illu:** You literally say this about everything.

 **coochie man:** it aint my fault ur way of texting is hilarious u edgy mf

 **Illu:** Again, I am not an edgy motherfucker.

**coochie man** changed **Illu's** name to **edgy mf.**

**edgy mf:** I am plotting your death.

 **kil:** haha edgy mf go brrr

 **gon:** killua u r also an edgy mf

 **kil:** WHY ARE YOU DOING ME LIKE THIS  
WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU

 **edgy mf:** Thank you, Gon.

 **kil:** moving on  
wheres hisoka  
he has been awfully quiet  
is he in prison

 **kurapikachu:** i love how thats ur first thought

 **edgy mf:** No, he is not in prison. I wish.

 **coochie man:** KIJDDKJHKFKS

 **gon:** wheres he then

 **edgy mf:** He is hanging out with Chrollo at the moment.

 **kurapikachu:** *gagging noises*

 **edgy mf:** Me, too.

 **coochie man:** KDJSDKJKSDJHJD

 **edgy mf:** Why do you keep sending letters? I don't understand their purpose.

 **coochie man:** ohmygod

 **kil:** straight  
straight  
straight  
straight

 **edgy mf:** I am not straight. I am disappointed you think so.

 **pennywise:** oh, he is definitely not straight   
i can confirm B)

 **edgy mf:** Shut up, Hisoka.

 **gon:** ew the clown is here

 **pennywise:** you wound me

 **edgy mf:** It is raining.

 **kil:** cool nobody cares

 **coochie man:** DJHDHJKSKSJSH

 **gon:** KJSDKJS ITS RAINING

 **kil:** YEAHH!!! WANNA GO PLAY IN THE RAIN

 **edgy mf:** I-

 **kurapikachu:** KILLUAKDJKJDKS

 **coochie man:** simp

 **kil:** shut up all of you  
lets talk instead about how illumi used "i-"

 **coochie man:** OH YEAH WHAT THE HELL I DIDNT NOTICE  
illumi,,. since when do you use The Language of the Internet?

 **edgy mf:** Hisoka has been teaching me.

 **kil:** disgusting wanna gag

 **edgy mf:** I hope you slip in the rain.

 **coochie man:** DJHSKJHSEUDHJ

 **pennywise:** ILLU  
SHOW THEM WHAT ELSE I TAUGHT YOU

 **edgy mf:** No.

 **coochie man:** WHY NOT

 **edgy mf:** It is embarrassing.

 **kurapikachu:** more embarrassing than dating a literal clown? i dont think so

 **edgy mf:** Perhaps you make a point.

 **pennywise:** this is cyber bullying </3  
anyways anyways illumi show it to themmm

 **edgy mf:** Hmph. Fine. You are a pain in the ass.  
No one laugh at me.

 **coochie man:** DW DW WE WONT JKSDHHS

 **gon:** just show us!!!

 **kil:** im not sure i wanna see this

 **coochie man:** shut up simp

**kurapikachu** changed **kil's** name to **simp.**

**simp:** WE-

 **kurapikachu:** go on illumi

 **edgy mf:** I hate you, Hisoka.  
I said, certified freak.  
Seven days a week.

 **kurapikachu:** I L L U M I

 **coochie man:** WHATATATATSJHSJHAJ

 **pennywise:** keep going, love~

 **edgy mf:** Wet ass pussy.

 **coochie man:** THIS IS LITERALLY  
THE ONLT REASON  
I LIKE BEING IN THIS GODDAMN GROUP CHAT

 **edgy mf:** I told you not to laugh at me and you said yes.

 **kurapikachu:** WELL WE WERENT EXPECTING YOU TO FULL ON SEND WAP LYRICS  
HISOKA WHAT WERE YOU T H I N KI N G

 **pennywise:** well its funny isnt it

 **edgy mf:** Shut up and go back to Chrollo.

 **pennywise:** ouch ;(

 **edgy mf:** Stop being dramatic.

 **kurapikachu:** illumi aint taking NO ONES shit today

 **gon:** what is wap

 **coochie man:** see now you have infected the kids

 **pennywise:** this is the internet  
they wouldve gotten infected anyway<3

 **coochie man:** hes got a point   
also can we pls talk ab how illumi is jealous

 **edgy mf:** Excuse me?  
Jealous of what?

 **coochie man:** of chrollo???????

 **kurapikachu:** *gagging noises*

 **edgy mf:** I am not jealous of Chrollo.

 **kurapikachu:** *gagging noises*

 **coochie man:** shut up kurapika

 **pennywise:** illu is jealous?? ;))))

 **edgy mf:** For the last time, I am not jealous. I do not care about you nor about Chrollo. Leave me alone. Goodbye.

 **simp:** i think thats the longest sentence hes ever said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i. i think im crushing on this girl who lives like. on the other side of the world and i. literally hate it here so bad. i cannot handle the YEARNING pls i-


	3. killua causes a mess

**gon:** guyssss

 **kurapikachu:** what

 **gon:** someone tell killua to come inside cause its getting cold and he wont listen to me >:(((

 **coochie man:** aw hes worried

 **gon:** of course >:(((

 **kurapikachu:** @simp come inside dumbass youll get sick

 **simp:** yall r stupid i cant get sick

 **gon:** well i can >:((((

 **simp:** fine just stay inside then

 **gon:** but!!!!  
i want you here with me >:((((

 **kurapikachu:** gay

 **simp:** WE- ugh fine ill come

 **kurapikachu:** gay

 **coochie man:** aw thats kinda cute

 **simp:** SHUT UP

 **kurapikachu:** gay

 **simp:** stfu kurapika u r a literal twink

 **kurapikachu:** thats gay dont say that 

**simp:** i sWEAR TO G O D

 **gon:** u guys wanna play truth or dare

 **edgy mf:** What is truth or dare?

 **kurapikachu:** is this bitch fr

 **coochie man:** how do u NOT KNOW WHAT TRUTH OR DARE IS

 **simp:** i mean  
im not surprised  
he has like 0 friends

 **gon:** thats mean killua >:((

 **pennywise:** excuse me what about me ;((

 **edgy mf:** We are not friends.

 **simp:** yeahyeah n besides u probably sucking chrollo off rn lmfao

 **pennywise:** wtf killua

 **kurapikachu:** 1st of all  
u r 14 dont go around saying stuff like this  
2nd of all  
*gagging noises*

 **edgy mf:** That is not funny.

 **coochie man:** that was kinda mean ngl

 **simp:** nah yall just 2 sensitive

 **kurapikachu:** what is up with this bitch today

 **edgy mf:** I apologize if I have caused trouble.

**edgy mf** has left the chat.

**pennywise:** killua whats wrong with you what the hell was that

 **simp:** wtf he actually left LMAO

 **gon:** why are you so mean killua :(((

 **simp:** im not being mean  
hes the mean one

 **pennywise:** he was literally doing nothing

 **simp:** uHMMFGKJDJF???  
r yall seriously defending the man who has helped my family torture me for years JAHJHSDJKA

 **coochie man:** he gotta point

 **pennywise:** he was being tortured HIMSELF  
he thought it was normal

 **simp:** i dont think ur one to talk

 **pennywise:** fine  
then instead lets talk about how u left alluka alone

 **simp:** but i came back for her!!

 **pennywise:** so did he

 **simp:** hmph  
fine

 **pennywise:** can we add him now

 **simp:** sure

**pennywise** has added **edgy mf** to the chat.

**pennywise:** hello B)

 **simp:** illumi  
im sorry for what i said 

**edgy mf:** No. You are right. I do have no friends, and it is true I have been terrible to you in the past. I have been trying to change, but it seems that I am doing it wrong. I apologize again for intruding. These are your friends, not mine. I do not belong here, and feel very out of place. I will be leaving. Goodnight.

**edgy mf** has left the chat.

**pennywise:** ohfhmyGOD  
killua what have YOU D ONEKFFJAK

 **simp:** bitch if ur so worried text him

 **pennywise:** i??? am???  
bitchboy not replying  
and i am with chrollo rn so i caNNOT EVEN go home to comfort him and he is ALONE

 **kurapikachu:** *gagging noises*

 **pennywise:** not ur time dumbass

 **kurapikachu:** excuse me  
this bitch murdered my whole family it is always time to gag

 **coochie man:** KSJAKSJIHDHJS

 **gon:** should we add illumi:((

 **simp:** ugh fine  
but if he leaves again then idc

**simp** has added **edgy mf** to the chat.

**edgy mf:** Why did you add me again?

 **gon:** to play truth or dare!!!

 **edgy mf:** Oh.  
I googled what the purpose of the game is, and it sounds interesting. We can play.

 **gon:** YAY!!!


	4. truth or dare

**coochie man:** can i start can i start

 **gon:** yes!!!

 **coochie man:** illumi  
truth or dare

 **edgy mf:** truth

 **coochie man:** are you actually jealous of chrollo

 **kurapikachu:** why do we KEEP TALKINF ABOUT THIS BITCH

 **edgy mf:** I agree with Kurapika.

 **coochie man:** is that a yes????

 **edgy mf:** It is not.  
To answer your question, I am not jealous of Chrollo. Or of anyone else. I am not sure I know how it is supposed to feel like.

 **coochie man:** sooo  
from what i understand,,,  
you may be jealous of chrollo but you wouldn't know either way

 **edgy mf:** That is not what I said.

 **coochie man:** why you jealous??

 **edgy mf:** Do you not know how to read?  
I just said I wasn't.

 **coochie man:** damn oof fine  
ur turn

 **edgy mf:** Kurapika  
Truth or dare?

 **kurapikachu:** ummm  
truth

 **simp:** yall r so fucking boring

 **edgy mf:** Are you actually gay?

 **kurapikachu:** LMFAOAOAOSJJDKHAJH

 **simp:** were all gay illu move on

 **edgy mf:** Okay.

 **kurapikachu:** killua t or d

 **edgy mf:** d bc im not boring

 **kurapikachu:** *evil laugh*

 **edgy mf:** okay maybe i take it back

 **kurapikachu:** no takebacks  
i dare you to uhhh  
kiss gon on the nose

 **simp:** WHAT WHY

 **coochie man:** and film yourself while doing it!!!

 **simp:** what iS WRONG WITH ALL OF YIODJHFDJHS

 **kurapikachu:** do IT DO IT

 **simp:** ugh fine give me a sec

**simp** has sent an attachment to the chat.

**edgy mf:** That was cute.

 **coochie** man: NHSKJDHKJAKJKD THATS ADORABLE

 **simp:** sjut up

 **gon:** yeah killua!!!! it was so cute

 **kurapikachu:** LOOK AT BBY GON BLUSHING IN THE VIDJSKHKJSJHDJKS

 **gon:** :)))  
it felt really nice!!

 **simp:** sHUTTT UUOOPP  
STOP TAAALKIGNJDJKSKJD

 **kurapikachu:** mans going thru a gay crisis

 **simp:** i am NOT GOING THRU ANYTIGIGNG  
LERIO

 **coochie man:** lerio??????

 **simp:** SHUT UP  
I DARE YOU TO KISS KURPIKA ON THE CHEEK

 **coochie man:** broski i didnt even CHOOSE DARE

 **gon:** and send a video too!!!

 **coochie man:** wtf  
what makes you think we're even sitting together

 **simp:** you are tho arent u

 **coochie man:** ,,,yeah  
bro kurapika is kicking me he wont even let me near him

 **kurapikachu:** BEGONE HOMOSEXUAL

 **gon:** its tHE DARE KURAPIKA HE HAS TO DO IT

 **coochie man:** HAHH  
I DID IT  
OUCH  
HE KCIKED EM AGAIN

 **kurapikachu:** you deserve it

 **gon:** SEND THE VIDEO

 **coochie man:** OH SHIT I FORGOT TO RECORD

 **simp:** HAA U HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN

 **kurapikachu:** WHY

**coochie man** has sent an attachment to the chat.

**gon:** SKJHDSKJ KURAPIKA IS SO RED

 **kurapika:** THATS BECAYSE ITS COLD

 **simp:** LIAR  
finally i got my revenge  
as i should

 **gon:** someone ask me something >:((

 **coochie man:** t or d

 **gon:** truth!!

 **pennywise:** wait can i ask

 **gon:** yes

 **pennywise:** can i add chrollo

 **edgy mf:** No.

 **kurapikachu:** *gagging noises*

 **coochie man:** LMFOAKOSA WHAT ANSWER DID U THINK U WERE GONNA GET

 **pennywise:** pls add him for a sec & then remove him he is literally yelling in my ear  
besides the question was for gon

 **gon:** but illumi & kurapika dont want to :((

 **pennywise:** noBODY CARES u answer

 **gon:** yeah!!

 **kurapikachu:** gon WHAT

 **gon:** a group chat with more people is always more fun!!

 **kurapikachu:** BUT HE????? KILLED EVERYBODY I KNEW

**pennywise** has added **Chrollo** to the chat.

**pennywise:** too late B)

 **kurapikachu:** ew even his username is bland  
no nickname  
not even a last name  
*gagging noises*

 **Chrollo:** hello  
i have only been here for two seconds and i am already being attacked

 **kurapikachu:** good

 **Chrollo:** who even r u

 **kurapikachu:** i will murder you

 **Chrollo:** hisoka who is this and why are they sending me death threats

 **pennywise:** chain user 

**Chrollo:** oh?? ;)

**kurapikachu** has removed **Chrollo** from the chat.

**coochie man:** SKJDKJFHFJS  
yall im actually scared kurapika is FUMING next to me

 **edgy mf:** Just kiss his cheek again.

 **coochie man:** you know what  
thats a pretty good idea

 **gon:** SKJDKDSKAKUD

 **kurapikachu:** i hate you all 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea where tf im going with this thing,, if anyone has any suggestions pls drop them in the comments also speaking of comments thank you to anyone who has left any whenever i get one my heart makes a lil !!!


	5. basically the start of kurapika slowly descending into madness

**kurapikachu:** good morning my children

 **coochie man:** what do you MEAN good morning  
its 1:17 in the morning

 **kurapikachu:** yeah in the MORNING  
so  
good morning

 **coochie man:** i cannot with you anymore

 **simp:** why r u guys always up at this time of day

 **kurapikachu:** why are YOU up then

 **simp:** because.  
and besides  
i do NOT NEED TO S L E E P

 **coochie man:** ur missing out on some cool ass dreams then

 **simp:** no.  
and besides

 **kurapikachu:** how many times have u said "and besides" already

 **simp:** shush ur face  
as i was saying  
it is 10x more fun to watch gon sleep and draw on his face

 **gon:** meanie ;(

 **kurapikachu:** u watch gon sleep? gay

 **simp:** u r gay kurapika

 **kurapikachu:** yes but i am a cool gay  
ur just gay

 **edgy mf:** You are all so gay it makes me lose my braincells.

 **coochie man:** LMFAOAOSKDJJA

 **kurapikachu:** leorio ur literally illumis biggest fan stop laughing at everything he says

 **coochie man:** but hes COOL

 **edgy mf:** Thank you, Leorio. I think you're very cool, too.

 **coochie man:** oh but if only he didnt use proper grammar and punctuation  
manifesting

 **edgy mf:** Proper punctuation is necessary.

 **simp:** im p sure we keep having the same conversation over and oevr again every time

 **kurapikachu:** oevr

 **simp:** sweet lord

 **coochie man:** you know killua mayb u should take grammar classes from ur brother

 **simp:** sweet lord pt 2

**pennywise** has added **Chrollo** to the group chat.

**kurapikachu:** why is this bitch here again

 **Chrollo:** y u h8 me sm

 **kurapikachu:** y u typin laik dis

 **Chrollo:** .  
u know what i hate u too

 **kurapikachu:** good

 **Chrollo:** can i add my friends

 **kurapikachu:** does this bitch have a death wish

 **Chrollo:** yes

 **kurapikachu:** someone remove him

**edgy mf** has removed **Chrollo** from the group chat.

**kurapikachu:** thank u

 **edgy mf:** You're welcome.

 **coochie man:** whats ur deal with chrollo anyway

 **edgy mf:** me?

 **coochie man:** why did u not capitalize the M in me im scared  
also yes

 **edgy mf:** i do not have a deal with chrollo

 **coochie man:** WHY ARE U NOT CAPITALIZING ANYTHING

 **gon:** then why do you hate him?

 **edgy mf:** I do not hate Chrollo.

 **coochie man:** i cant tell whether or not im happy hes using proper pronunciation again

 **kurapikachu:** honey thats not what pronunciation is  
i think u mean punctuation

 **coochie man:** shut up its like 1am

 **simp:** ""honey""

 **gon:** shut up you guys  
then why do you not want him here illumi

 **edgy mf:** Kurapika was the one who didn't want him here.

 **gon:** yeah but u also didnt

 **edgy mf:** I don't care about Chrollo.

 **kurapikachu:** ayyo stop askin my mans questions and lets all be glad that the spider is no longer among us

 **simp:** ayyo pikachu u r so dramatic goddamn

 **kurapikachu:** bitch  
do not call me pikachu

 **coochie man:** pikachu

 **simp:** pikachu

 **kurapikachu:** STOP

 **gon:** why did hisoka just add chrollo then leave

 **pennywise:** why r u asking about me ;)))

 **kurapikachu:** this motherfucker-  
one day i will murder all of you and i will not regret it

 **gon:** dont murder me kurapika :(((

 **kurapikachu:** fine  
all of you minus gon*

 **simp:** this is favoritism 

**kurapikachu:** serves u well for calling me pikachu

**simp** changed **kurapikachu** 's name to **pikachu.**

**pikachu:** one day i am going to snap-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhngggg i have school tomorrow i dont wanna;((( how do i hire illumi to assassinate me


	6. apparently even clowns have feelings

**simp:** guys  
guys  
its urgent  
an EMERGENCY 

**pikachu:** tf you want mf

 **gon:** whatbis it killua

 **simp:** o hey everyones up

 **edgy mf:** Unfortunately.

 **coochie man:** ofc we are dumbass its 5pm

 **simp:** ok good now that ur all here

 **pennywise:** aLL????  
do i not MATTER to u i am OFFENDED

 **simp:** yeah u dont count

 **pennywise:** buT ILLUMI COUNTS?????

 **simp:** hes on thin fucking ice

 **edgy mf:** Hey thats rude.

 **gon:** all of you shut uo

 **pikachu:** uo

 **gon:** i said what i said.  
now killua  
what did u have to say

 **simp:** nothing i was just bored

 **pikachu:** i THOUGHT IT WAS AN EMERGENCY?????

 **simp:** it is an emergency????

 **coochie man:** sorry to inform u small child but it is, in fact, not an emergency.

 **simp:** coochie man got an upgrade  
started using commas

 **edgy mf:** My influence on people is pretty strong.

 **pennywise:** killua  
ik how to entertain u B)

 **simp:** i dont trust u, so no

 **pennywise:** ;(

 **pikachu:** whats with all these emoticons u dumbass clown

 **pennywise:** yall r hurting my feelings with these nicknames;((

 **edgy mf:** Idk I'm pretty sure you have no feelings.

 **pennywise:** WHOSE SIDE ARE U ON

 **edgy mf:** Not yours xx

 **pikachu:** drama in paradise?

 **simp:** i like this new side of illumi

 **coochie man:** sooo.,,, r we all just going to ignore the fact that illumi used "idk"

 **pikachu:** why do you care so much my god

 **coochie man:** why, r u jealous B)

 **pikachu:** pft

 **gon:** y u using emoticons too

 **edgy** **mf:** He's stealing traits from me and Hisoka.

 **pennywise:** our influence babe B)

 **edgy mf:** Who the fuck you calling babe

 **coochie man:** LMFAOSASJDDJ

 **pennywise:** i am never appreciated in this gc ;((  
FINE have it ur way

**pennywise** added **Chrollo** to the group chat.

**pikachu:** hisoka is it your dream to see me angry

 **pennywise:** perhaps

 **edgy mf:** No, wait-

 **gon:** illlluumiii again with hating chroollo

 **coochie man:** chroollo

 **gon:** SHUT

**coochie man** changed **Chrollo** 's name to **chroollo.**

**pikachu:** he deserves it its fine

**edgy mf** removed **chroollo** from the group chat.

**pennywise** added **chroollo** to the group chat.

**edgy mf** removed **chroollo** from the group chat.

**pennywise** added **chroollo** to the group chat.

**edgy mf:** ...  
Fine.

 **coochie man:** dang whats up with him

 **pikachu:** trouble in paradise i tell u

 **pennywise:** hes just jealous B)

 **edgy mf:** I am not, but go off.

 **gon:** even if he was its not nice to play with his feelings like that hisoka >:(

 **simp:** the angel has spoken

 **coochie man:** ANGEK

**pikachu** changed **gon** 's name to **angek.**

**angek:** hEY >:(((

 **coochie man:** B)

 **pikachu:** no bc gons right tho

 **pennywise:** ;(  
but he keeps ignoring meeee

 **edgy mf:** ..I do not ignore you.

 **pennywise:** >:(((

 **coochie man:** hisoka r u 12 

**pennywise:** perhaps ;(

 **pikachu:** so turns out even clowns have feelings huh

 **pennywise:** ill have you know, im very full of emotions

 **simp:** debatable but alr

 **edgy mf:** Hisoka.

 **pennywise:**?yes

 **edgy mf:** ...

 **pikachu:** illumi bro u have been typing and deleting for almost a whole minute now

 **coochie man:** FOR REAL  
JUST SAY IT

 **edgy mf:** ...  
I love you.

 **coochie man:** it toOK YOU TWELVE  
MILLION  
YEARS  
TO SAY THAT

 **simp:** same

 **coochie man:** I THOGUHT MANS WAS WRITING A WHOLE ASS ESSAY

 **pennywise:** i think im  
ascending to heaven

 **simp:** why is everybody just so damn dramatic in this gc

 **pennywise:** shhhh let me have my moment <3  
I love you too illu darling B)

 **edgy mf:** Good. It would be very embarrassing otherwise.

 **angek:** aw

 **simp:** absolutely disgusting

 **chroollo:** bro  
what the fuck is wrong wiht all of you  
stop sending so many messages  
and why is my name chroollo  
and how come kurapika hasnt removed me yet

 **pikachu:** you ask too many questions  
also may i present to you: the magical mute button

 **chroollo:** no you may not  
also i do not appreciate hisoka only adding me to use me against illumi

 **pikachu:** roll down a hill

 **chroollo:** ill murder your family for a second time

 **coochie man:** CHROLLODOSJDJS

 **pikachu:** stfu leorio

 **coochie man:** im SORRYDSJJSDK

 **chroollo:** *prepares self to be removed*

**pikachu** removed **chroollo** from the group chat.


	7. i have nothing to give u so have this chapter

**angek:** merry christmas you guys!!

**simp:** why r u so excited abt christmas

**edgy mf:** We don’t celebrate Christmas.

**simp:** ^^  
i didnt even know it was a thing before gon told me

**coochie man:** ok damn well dont ruin the vibe

**pennywise:** and not celebrating christmas is illegal you are all coming to my house

**simp:** anyways yall question time  
whats yalls mbti

**angek:** whats that

**simp:** why am i friends with you again

**angek:** >;(

**coochie man:** lmfao why does that emoticon actually look like gon

**simp:** wheres kurapika i feel like he would know what im talking about

**pikachu:** ur god is here  
yes indeed  
i am an intj

**simp:** finally someone who knows their shit  
im an intp

**pennywise:** ooh like sherlock and einstein 

**simp:** yes i am very smart

**coochie man:** and apparently like the starfish from spongebob

**simp:** the starfish from spongebob has a name leorio and that is patrick  
pls respect patrick

**angek:** i wanna know who im like!! how do i do that??

**simp:** ill pm u the link to the test 

**angek:** yay!!

**pennywise:** lmfaoo kurapika   
hannibal lecter is also an intj

**pikachu:** super sexy

**pennywise:** and thanos

**pikachu:** ,,not as sexy

**coochie man:** wym not aS SEXY  
thanos could get it

**pikachu:** leorio i am very worried for your mental health

**coochie man:** </3

**simp:** hisoka whats ur type

**pennywise:** interesting question  
as i am dating ur brother my answer is gonna be kind of biased  
but i do like my partner to be funny and to have a great personality

**simp:** illumi is neither of those  
also dumbass i meant ur personality type

**coochie man:** who knew the clown could be so sentimental 

**pennywise:** ah  
well thats kinda embarrassing now

**coochie man:** LMFAOSJSHD illumi is facepalming so hard rn  
and blushing but we not gonna talk about that

**pikachu:** wtf why are u with illumi

**coochie man:** im not we're on ft

**pikachu:** wtf why are you on ft with illumi

**coochie man:** damn am i not allowed to have friends

**simp:** HISOKA  
WHAT IS  
YOUR  
PERSONALITY  
T Y P E

**pennywise:** stfu killua stop screaming  
also its entp

**pikachu:** GUYS LMFAO  
PENNYWISE A N D THE JOKER ARE ALSO ENTP

**coochie man:** damn hisoka your nickname fits so well

**pennywise:** i hate u

**pikachu:** PLS HISOKA'S IS SO FUNNY AND ITS SO TRUE LIKE PLS LOOK AT THIS  
moriarty, the joker, pennywise, yURI FROM YARICHIN, that guy from total drama, actual satan, lucifer from the show lucifer, fucking TED BUNDY, jack sparrow, dazai, ryuk, klaus hargreeves, need i say more??@#@SD?S$%R$%I!

**pennywise:** i do not  
i do not know how to feel about this

**simp:** NOT TED B U N D Y

**coochie man:** YURI LMFAOJSKSHHD 

**simp:** that guy from total drama has a name kurapika  
pls

**pikachu:** shut up killua before i drag ur ass too

**simp:** ok  
illumi whats yours

**edgy mf:** I do not remember.

**pennywise:** one sec i still have the screenshot he sent me of his results

**coochie man:** why is that kinda cute

**edgy mf:** Shut up.

**simp:** _ **@angek**_ are you done with the quiz yet

**pennywsie:** istj

**simp:** LMFAOSJKSHJHS PLS  
SQUIDWARD AND RAYMOND HOLT  
IT F I T S

**pikachu:** i have never seen anything more true

**simp:** aND NEBULA FROM THE MCU  
THESE ARE LITERALLY HIM 

**edgy mf:** I do not know what this means.

**simp:** ofc u dont  
leorio ur turn while we wait for gon

**coochie man:** esfj  
and yes before you say anything i know so is spongebob

**simp:** bitch so we have patrick, squidward AND spongebob in this gc????

**pikachu:** aw youre also like taylor swift  
thats kinda cute for some reason

**pennywise:** not you calling leorio cute-

**pikachu:** shut up  
wait leorio you and molly weasley have the same mbti so true

**angek:** the quiz said im an esfp  
what does that mean

**simp:** lmfao youre like nemo  
and pUMBA  
AND LOGAN PAUL LMFAOSJISHDHS

**coochie man:** nOT LOGAN PAUL-

**pikachu:** aw hinata from haikyuu and ron from harry potter have the same mbti as you thats so cute

**simp:** AND 6ie9ine idk hoW TO WRITE HIS NAME

**coochie man:** NOT 6IX9INE-

**angek:** whos 6ix9ine

**coochie man:** NOBODY

**pikachu:** wait im kinda curious about something

**pikachu** added **chroollo** to the group chat.

**chroollo:** well thats a first

**pikachu:** mbti?

**chroollo:** ah  
infj

**pikachu:** JUST LIKE HITLER  
fits so well

**chroollo:** yes but  
also like jesus christ  
i rest my case.

**coochie man:** i wasnt ready for this

**chroollo:** and i hear that you have the same mbti as hannibal kurapika

**pikachu:** that is correct

**chroollo:** sweet  
mine is the same as will graham  
you know what that means ;)))

**pikachu** removed **chroollo** from the group chat.


	8. fart jars and leopika

**angek:** guys  
guys did you know that you can store a fart in a jar

 **simp:** bro what

 **angek:** did you know

 **coochie man:** why do we always talk about farts in this group chat

 **angek:** im going to try it

 **pikachu:** i feel like hisoka would know thay

 **pennywise:** WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT  
illumi is the fart expert here

 **edgy mf:** I am not a fart expert, what the fuck?

 **angek:** guys i did it  
i now have a fart jar

 **pikachu:** every day we stray further and further away from god

 **coochie man:** kurapika stop being so dramatic  
and gon why are u like this

 **pikachu:** every day i get bullied on this group chat

 **simp:** ur the one who does the bullying

 **pikachu:** i do not.

 **angek:** its okay kurapika!! you can store your fart in a jar too i promise it makes you feel better

 **pikachu:** why would that make anybody feel better 

**simp:** illumi do you want a jar of hisoka’s farts

 **edgy mf:** I literally genuinely hate all of you.

 **coochie man:** STOPEHAT THE FUCKENWJSJDE 

**pikachu:** you know what i AM gonna make a jar fart it IS gonna make me feel better

 **pennywise:** a j a r f a r t 

**pikachu:** oh my god  
shut up  
i hate being alive

 **simp:** stop being so dramatic i’m gonna vomit

 **pikachu:** vomit coward

 **coochie man:** kurapikkakakkakakakakak

 **pikachu:** what the fuck u want

 **coochie man:** order pizza

 **pikachu:** bitcj why are u ordering me around like this order ur own pizza

 **coochie man:** i would but talking on the phone is Scary

 **pikachu:** pussy  
fine i will order some

 **simp:** i just found out that kurapika is so fucking whipped and i have no idea what to do with the information i have been given 

**pikachu:** shut up killua ur name is literally simp

 **simp:** i will not tolerate this killua slander

 **pikachu:** *taps microphone* killua sucks *gently puts microphone back on the ground*

 **coochie man:** *stars breakdancing*

 **simp:** my god  
i hate u all

 **pennywise:** thats kurapika’s line

 **simp:** i hate you too

 **pennywise:** </3  
illu defend me </3

 **edgy mf:** No.

 **angek:** wait i have a question **_@pikachu_** ** _ @coochie man_**   
why are you two always hanging out together and never invite us wtf?

 **pikachu:** we dont like you

 **simp:** understandable have a nice day

 **angek:** no but fr WHY are u guys always glued at the hips

 **pikachu:** glued at the hips

 **coochie man:** LMFAODJWJ

 **pikachu:** anyways gon we are NOT in fact “”glued at the hips””

 **simp:** why are yall making fun of him for saying that HELP

 **pikachu:** yall

 **simp:** oh god ahut up

 **pennywise:** ahut

 **simp:** i cannot express how much i actually hate you

 **pennywise:** second time today  
ouch

 **angek:** YEAH YOU ARE ALWAYS TIGETHER THOUGH 

**pikachu:** shut up i said

 **angek:** ARE YOU GUYSBDATING

 **pikachu:** no we are not wtf

 **angek:** ARENT YOU????22$$:$:

 **edgy mf:** To be fair, they have a point. You guys always act as if you’re dating.

 **pikachu:** THATS FALSE

 **coochie man:** wait we're not dating?

 **simp:** LEOIRO

 **pikachu:** wait whar

 **coochie man:** LMFAOSJDHD NO DW IT WAS A JOKE

 **pikachu:** oh

 **pennywise:** a joke my ass hes lying

 **coochie man:** NO IM NOT  
well i did always kinda assume,,

 **pikachu:** WHAT

 **coochie man:** JOKE JOKE  
I JUST LIKE SEEINF YOU FLUSTERED

 **pikachu:** shut up i hate u sm  
order ur own pizza

 **pennywise:** please. get your shit together both of u before i lose my sanity

 **edgy mf:** Yeah, even Gon and Killua got their shit together before you guys.

 **coochie man:** well its not MY fault bitchboy here got issues

 **pikachu:** LEORIO SOTP I CANT TELL IF YOURE JOKING NAYMROIE

 **simp:** kurapika ur gay crisis is showing in ur inability to spell

 **pikachu:** YOURE A GAY CRISIS  
I CAN SOELL VERY GOOD

 **simp:** clearly

 **angek:** wait illumi wym me and killua got our shit together

 **edgy mf:** Look at this other dumbass here. 

**simp:** ayyo know ur limits

 **edgy mf:** Bitch, shut up you said you hated my boyfriend TWICE.

 **pennywise:** illumiiii <3

 **edgy mf:** You shut up too, I also hate you.

 **pennywise:** no u dont <3

 **edgy mf:** fuck off

 **coochie man:** THERE IT IS  
THE NO CAPITALIZATION OF THE FIRST WOR DIN THE SENTENCE

 **edgy mf:** Shut up, don't think we've forgotten about you and Kurapika.

 **pikachu:** bitch

 **coochie man:** can we instead redirect the conversation to gon being oblivious

 **simp:** we can, but we're not going to

 **coochie man:** WHY ITS FUNNNT

 **angek:** IM CONFUSED  
KILL7UA HELP

 **pikachu:** kill7ua

 **angek:** >:(

 **simp:** hnngf uts nothing gon

 **angek:** WHY

 **simp:** fine its   
remember that time when  
ah fuck you guys

 **angek:** what timeeee

 **coochie man:** the way i think gon knows what hes talking abt but is doing this on purpose to make killua feels embarrassed

 **pikachu:** sounds like someone i know

 **coochie man:** HEY  
HATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 **simp:** hmph u kno when i came over the other day

 **angek:** when we kissed?

 **simp:** GON

 **pikachu:** YALL KISSED??????  
ARENT U LIKW 10  
BITCH IM LIKE 19 ADN I HAVE NEVER KISSED ANYONE IN MY LIFE  
SOMEONE REMOVE THEM FROM THIS GC

 **simp:** WE'RE NOT T E N

 **coochie man:** its cause you didnt know me 5 years ago ;)

 **pikachu:** LEORIO STOP THATS NOT GFUNNY STOP JOKING ABOUT IT

 **pennywise:** mf snapped

 **edgy mf:** Wait, Killua? You've kissed Gon?

 **simp:** SHUT IT ILLUIM

 **pikachu:** LEIORI  
HAVE UI EVER KSISED ANYONE

 **coochie man:** ,,yeah

 **pikachu:** FUCK  
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HASNT HAD THEIR FIRST KISS

 **simp:** yes

 **pikachu:** STOP

 **simp:** its the truth

 **pikachu:** WELL YEAH BUT YOU DONT HVAE TO SAY IT LIKE THAT 

**coochie man:** kurapika dude calm down  
kissing is overrated anyway

 **edgy mf:** No, you must've only have kissed shitty people. 

**pennywise:** did i read that correctly  
did illumi just admit he liked ksisingf me

 **edgy mf:** No I did no such thing shut up Hisoka.

 **pennywise:** yeah u did B)))

 **pikachu:** IDC IF ITS OVERRATED AT LEAST YOUVE DONE IT  
HHHNNGNGNG SOMEBODY KISS ME

 **coochie man:** ooh pizza is here

 **pikachu:** PIZZA  
THAT WILL TAKE MY MIND OFF KSISING

 **simp:** why cant anybody spell kssing correctly  
FUCK

 **angek:** kissing  
hah

 **pikachu:** WHAT HTE FUCK  
HUH  
WHAT

 **simp:** wtf is wrong wiht u

 **pikachu:** HELP  
CURRENTLY GOIGN INTO CARDIAC ARREST 

**edgy mf:** What the fuck is up with this guy?

 **coochie man:** so i may have been wrpng  
perhaps kissinf isnt overrated

 **angek:** WAIT WQAHT

 **simp:** lemme guess  
kurapika youre no longer a ksis virgin?

 **pikachu:** SHUT UP YOURE THE KISS VIRGIN  
AN D OERHAPS

 **angek:** SO WAIT AAAA  
U GUYS ARE NOW DATIJG???

 **coochie man:** pika?

 **pikachu:** PERHAPS

 **edgy mf:** Congratulations.

 **pennywise:** everybody thank the pizza

 **simp:** wait but  
how did it happen

 **pikachu:** THATS AWKWARD DONRT ASK THAT

 **angek:** BUT WE WANNA KNOW

 **pikachu:** DUDE  
WELL IT WASNT LIKE  
SOME JHUGE THING  
BUT  
IT FELT  
NICE  
EVEN THO IM PRETTY SURE I WAS  
SHIT AT IT  
BC IM NOT  
EXPERIENCED  
AND LEORIO HAS KSISED SONEONE ELSE BEFORE AND  
IDK  
LEORIO STOP PULLING MY HAIR WHAT HTE UFKC

 **coochie man:** no bc ur dumb

 **pikachu:** NO YOURE DUMNB

 **coochie man:** MF CALM DOWN FOR A SEC AND STOP MOVING SO MCUH

 **simp:** why are u guys texting if youre in the same room as each other

 **coochie man:** BC KURAPIKA IS A DUKMBASS

 **pikachu:** NO IM NOT  
YOURE A DUMNASS

 **edgy mf:** Guys, please. We know you kissed and that's good but please shut up and resolve your newly couple issues not on the groupchat. Also eat ypur pizza before it gets cold.

 **pikachu:** SHUT UP YOU ABD HISOJA ALWAYS FIGHT ON HERE

 **pennywise:** WE DONT FIGHT

 **coochie man:** ALSO CAN WE TASLK ABT HOW ILLUMI AMDE A TYPO????? HE SAID "YPUR"

 **pikachu:** WHYA RE YOU OBSESSEDF WIHT ILLUMI

 **coochie man:** dont be jealous ;))

 **pikachu:** IM NOT  
ITS JUST WEIRD  
SHUT UP

 **edgy mf:** Go eat your pizza.

 **pikachu:** DONT TELL US WHAT TO DO  
but ok yeah we should  
bye mfs


End file.
